A4e Funny Photo Gallery

A4e Emma Harrison on Crimewatch

Have you seen this woman? She uses the name Emma Harrison, and is known to visit jobcentres all over the UK, where she offers jobseekers non-existent training courses as part of the taxpayer funded New Deal program. Once a jobseeker has signed up, they usually find themselves held virtual prisoner in an overcrowded A4e office with very little facilities for up to 13 weeks and, in some cases 26 weeks. She sometimes works works with a male accomplice named David Blunkett, who claims to be an MP. She has friends in the Sheffield area but could be anywhere in the UK. if you see her or know her wherabouts contact Crimewatch immediatley

A4e Flexible New Deal Poster Campaign

A MESSAGE FROM PRIME MINISTER GORDON BROWN: "Unemployed Britons your country needs you to sign up for the Flexible New Deal workfare program. We must rid our once glorious country from the scourge of mass long-term unemployed. Report to your nearest A4e camp Monday morning at 9 am for brainwashing. Rememeber, you are making the ultimate sacrifice of missing daytime TV so future generations can live in a land of the employed. So switch off Jermy Kyle, put down that can of White Lightening, and leave the baseball bat - there won't be enough room at A4e to swing it anyway"

Wise Group sub-contract Flexible New Deal contract to A4e

Glasgow based charity Wise Group have sub-contracted their Edinburgh Flexible New Deal contract to infamous A4e. Only time will tell if this is a match made in heaven? So Edinburgh now has two FND providers: Ingeus and A4e. And in theory, the unemployed should now be given a choice of which provider they wish to do their Flexible New deal program with? if the jobcentre force you to attend A4e you should ask for an explanation in writing of why you haven't been given a choice of provider. And if you are unhappy with the explanation contact your MP

A4e Skills Training

This is the kind of thing that A4e think of as skills training. When I attended A4e Edinburgh in 2008 the only course on offer was the European Computer Driving Licence (ECDL, nothing wrong with that but not everyone wants to work with computers. If our government were really committed to giving the long-term unemployed proper skills and choice, why don't they they give them a training allowance which can be used at colleges and other establishments which offer proper courses, qualified tutors and a recognized qualifications instead of giving taxpayers money to a cowboy outfit like A4e.

Stampede at A4e Sheffield

Paramedics today treated a jobseeker on the New Deal program at A4e Sheffield. The jobseeker, who wishes to remain anonymous, said a tutor blew a whistle evey morning at 9.45 for the daily race from reception to the job search room two floors above. She added, normally it is incident free, but this morning she tripped and was trampled by her classmates eager to be the first to use the computer. An A4e spokesperson refused to comment on the incident other than to say a full investigation would be carried out.

A4e Lincoln New Deal Zombie Shocker!

Despite denials from the DWP it can now be officially revealed that Grantham has been under attack from Zombies. Our brave journalist followed a trail of dsmembered bodies from Grantham town centre which lead up the A1 to A4e in Lincoln. An A4e spokersperson denied they were responsible for the carnage occuring in Grantham, but admiited that the 13-week New Deal course may have something to do with it. Quite why these A4e New Deal zombies from Lincoln converge on Grantham is unknown. We can also exclusively reveal that David Blunkett MP was the victim of an unprovoked zombie attack while shopping in a Tesco store in Grantham yesterday, in which he lost an ear . He was rushed to hospital in a shopping trolley (since no ambulance was avilable) and doctors are confident the ear can be sewn back if they can only find it in time and he doesn't have to wait longer than six weeks for the operation.

Boxing News: A4e v Serco

Infamous A4e and less infamous Serco go head-to-head for a share of the lucrative UK welfare to workfare Flexible New Deal heavyweight government contracts. Will old experienced A4e KO the upstart FTSE 100 company and grab the biggest share of the workfare cake? The bell sounds for Round 1: Blunkett comes flying out of his corner heading for Filkin, fists flying wildly hoping to catch his Lordship with a lucky punch. His Lordshop ducks, and displays some nifty footwork which defies his age, as he waltzes round the ring and avoids being hit by the flurry of blows coming from the pursuing and panting Blunkett. Filkin, realising he can't continue being chased round the ring by Blunkett, stops dead, turns, and aims a left cross which catches Blunkett off guard, and makes contact with his temple. Blunkett looks dazed and sways. The crowd cheers wildly, they're not so much fans of Serco and Flikin but delighted to see anyone beat A4e. Will this fight go to round 2 or is Blunkett finished?

Lord Filkin of Serco KOs A4e Bunkett in Round 1 Shocker

The world of Flexible New Deal heavyweight workfare contracts was left stunned following the shock defeat of Blunkett of A4e at the hands of Lord Filkin of Serco in a Round 1 knock-out. It was anticipated that A4e would make short work of the upstart FTSE 100 company in the bid for contracts. Blunkett, although younger, was no match for the flying fists and nifty footwork of Lord Filkin of Serco. With only seconds to go before the end of Round 1 his lordship landed a right cross which connected with Blunkett's left cheek with a loud thud, sending him spinning backwards only to hit the canvas from which he never got up within the 10 count. His Lordship was hoisted aloft by his trainer, the crowd cheered ecstatically.

Emma Harrison on the benefits of A4e Placements

Many A4e New Deal clients do not always see the point in taking an unapid work placement, especially when they know it will never became a full-time job as in the case of charity shops. On such occasions, Emma Harrison has found the right uppercut to be particularly effective, and with the more difficult clients this is swiftly followed by a left cross. On a more serious note, since placement organisations are benefitting from free labour they should at least provide lunch as part of the placement

Queen gets job on A4e New Deal course

Her Majesty the Queen can now be found working at a McDonalds fast-food restaurant next to Victoria station thanks to A4e. She visited A4e Nottingham to open the Slave Galley wing, which will be used by jobseekers on the Flexible New Deal from October 2009. However, Her Majesty expressed interest in experiencing the New Deal for herself. Staff at A4e, eager to oblige, got the Queen to complete the necessary Induction paperwork so she could be officially enrolled. After which, she opted to choose the Retail option, and was quickly fast-tracked to a work experience placement at McDonalds which lead to a full-time job. The last time the Queen had a job was during the war when she drove an ambulance

A4e Beijing Placement News

A4e Beijing are proud to confirm that unemployment in China has fallen 3 months in a row due to a very successful placement partnership with the Peoples Liberation Army. Chinese jobseekers on A4e's flagship Inflexible New Deal job program will soon have the opportunity to get an exciting placement with the Chinese Navy who are embarking on a extensive modernisation program of their fleet of First World War ex-German U-boats. A4e hope to trial the successful Chinese model in the UK where, despite bullying of jobseekers, unemployment continues to rise.

A4e Manchester Escape News

300 jobseekers on the Flexible New Deal program at A4e Minshull Street have escaped after a 500 ft long tunnel was discovered in the basement of the flagship Manchester office early today. An unconfirmed report said the tunnel emerges on the set of popular TV soap Coronation Street. The news of this escape will come as a devestating blow for the Labour government's much trumpted flagship welfare to workfare program which replaces the old New Deal. Where the jobseekers got the tools from to dig a tunnel is unknown, but it is believed they were smuggled in during visiting hours. Pauline Hitler, manager of A4e Minshull Street, said a full investigation would be carried out. And a spokesperson for Granada TV said that tonight's showing of Coronation Street had been cancelled due to technical problems

A4e New Deal Jobseeker Spring Sale

Our A4e superstores are overflowing with jobseekers on the New Deal program, we can't crowd anymore in - we've tried. And in order to make space for a flood of unemployed on the Flexible New Deal starting in October, we have decided to have a one-off Spring New Deal jobseeker SALE with up to 40% OFF. We have invested time and money making sure they are workfare compliant, the undesirable elements have already been weeded out and returned to the Jobcentre, so you won't get any troublemakers. Visit your nearest A4e superstore TODAY and pick up a jobseeker before they've all gone. And remember you can save up to 40% on our normal prices

Emma Harrison visits A4e Lincoln

Emma Harrsion, donned in riot gear, today paid a surprise visit to A4e Lincoln. Lincoln AKA Stalag Luft 17 by the New Deal clients was one of the A4e office featured on the BBC Radio 5 Donal McIntyre Investigates programme in April 2009. Lincoln, along with A4e Leeds were subject to a flood of complaints from New Deal clients about non-existent training courses, overcrowding and lack of computers. David, who also did the course in Lincoln, said: "The tutors were very stretched. You were basically herded into a room with a load of other people and left to your own devices." (source: Liverpool Echo)